Okay, gotta get this out! Brian goes to Target last night, and "runs into" a lady that we "ran into" only two weeks ago. She, we now know, preys on young parents in the jungles of our local Target. Assuming anyone in our demographic will salivate at the opportunity to "generate extra income", she identifies them as mealticket morons, and transitions quickly from stalk to strike mode, and with the skillfullness of a snake. Having escaped her coils only two weeks ago, Brian and I were having a hard time getting over the the womans serpent like technique. It's just so wrong! Didn't pyramid schemes stop making jackholes of people in the 90's anyway? Whatever. So my sweet, sweet, george washingtonesque, honest to a fault, can't hurt the feelings of the mean miserable Burger King cashier of a husband is out shopping with Will, when who slithers by? Yep. Apparently blind with hunger, she doesn't even recognize her own bite marks all over him, and again goes in for the kill. And this is it....this is the part that's got me laughing in my sleep, literally. Brian turns around, recognizing the sneaky yet stupid scoundrel, and is instantly enveloped with waves of fear. He recounts feeling "like I was right under a heat lamp". Keep in mind that in reality we are talking about a 50 something woman with a creepy yet kind demeaner. He's panicking in his soul! All he wants to do is run away in zig zag lines, pushing the partitians over, screaming "fire!". He decides to face her, and play her game, but as quickly and politely as possible. But will the beads of sweat on his forehead betray him? No, even they keep still. Until she reaches out her hand to introduce herself. He accepts her handshake and responds with: "Nice to meet you, I'm John Smith." YES! I SWEAR! John Smith?!?! That's the best he could do?! I have never loved him more. He's almost paralyzed himself with his own remark. Desperately wanting to "make it more believable" he almost says "My friends call me Johnny", but manages to stop himself, not in the interest of dignity preservation, but because his window of opportunity passes while deciding if Johnny or Johnathon is more believable. Not only is he in shock about lying to someones face, but now he's got to back up the lamest lie ever told for risk of being found out. Even when put in a slightly uncomfortable social situation, Brian has a "Chatty Kathy" tendency. But this may be worth asking Target to review the surveilance footage on aisle 8 in an effort to get a copy. When "interrogated" with the inquiry of "So, what does your wife do?" he can only manage to say "She's in another town". What?! That's not even an answer, and who uses the word "town"? Exhausted from the ordeal, he warns me that it's just a matter of time before I run into her. Seriously, I can't wait. I would pay for the chance to look her in the eyes, shake her hand and introduce myself as Pochahontas...from another town.
